I got triggered tonight though and I feel like venting. While at my house a friend let me know that a gathering was happening of my old ministry and many of my old staff and students.
This friend innocently thought they were providing me with an opportunity to go to a reunion of old souls and people that I would want to see. The gathering, though, is not a reunion but a re-launch of a ministry that I created several years ago and must go through another rebirth in order to be successful.
I got online tonight to watch the video and read the syllabus of the new course offerings. To me it is nothing more than just promotion of a man-made ministry and full of self-indulgence and pride. I’ve heard the same damn message from these leaders for years upon years and I keep wondering why somebody besides me doesn’t notice that the king is wearing no clothes. He has no more credibility to re-launch this school as President Bush has to come back and lead this country into economic prosperity and world peace.
This hurts.
I am almost tempted to go to this reunion; to sit there in the crowd, even on the front row, to hear this desperate man try and save his credibility as a visionary leader. I’d love for him to look me in the eye and try not to blush in shame and admit his failures and hypocrisy.
Fuck.
I know there is better living beyond the past and that is exactly where this fool lives. I am not afraid of his success but God knows I have longed for his humility and his repentance. It feels that as long as he is allowed to run amok with what is supposedly his god-given vision that no one will stand up to him and hold him accountable for his actions and behavior. I hold his staff, and these leaders, no matter how ignorant they pretend to be, in contempt.
This next revision is just as failed as ever. Its epitaph has already been written. I feel empathy towards those who have been crushed by the last grave stones and those who the next ones will fall upon.
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