Found this article today in a blog response. I'd send you straight to her blog but it doesn't exist anymore. It made me laugh and I hope you get a kick out of it too. Thanks for sharing it Steph.
First: WHY do people massage in church?
A. They are nervous and feel like "massaging" their spouse will ease their own pain and somehow make them feel less "sinful"
B. They want to be sure that EVERYONE knows they are a couple.
C. They want to be sure that everyone knows they are a HAPPY couple.
D. They want to make sure everyone knows that they are a happy couple and that they are regularly having SEX.
E. They want their spouse to feel comforted in church since they are there-today-for-the-Easter service-which-is-the-only-time-the-hubby-shows-up-and-the-wife-thinks-that- if -she-massages-him-he-won't-bolt-for-the-door-in-the-middle-of-"Watch the Lamb" by Ray Boltz.
Second: If you are a member of "Pamic" (people against massaging in church) here are some ways to get people from stopping the massage disruption.
A. Lean forward (especially if you are a man) and ask: "Do you mind if I trade places with your husband?"
B. Make vomiting sounds that sound like "URGHstopthemassageURGH"
C. Start massaging the person being massaged along with the person massaging.
D. If you are in a *Calvary Chapel Church*, loudly ask " I think this guy is hurt, help!"
I submit, these are the reasons people massage each other in church and ways you can stop them. What do you think?
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