For a Moment I was Home

So the fat lady has sung, the curtain has closed and the theatre has gone dark. I sit on the stage looking into the empty seats realizing I expected a different send off on this my last performance.

This night had gone especially well. The crowd was engaged and excited. They rejoiced in the stories that were shared and embraced the actors with a standing ovation. I was congratulated over and over, slapped on the back and pulled into many an awkward hug. I secretly hoped that the producers were watching, that they would realize that they were making a huge mistake by letting me go. But they didn’t. In fact, they didn’t even acknowledge that it was my last night directing the show. Instead of being handed roses, I was handed a broom and asked to make sure the auditorium was clean for whatever drama was scheduled for the following day.

I have had a hard time understanding this slight. Even if moving forward together was not on their agenda some acknowledgement for what we had accomplished seemed appropriate. It never came.

For me life has come to a grinding halt, the brakes sending up sparks and shrieking like a train in agony. But the locomotive didn’t stop, it just slowed down enough to unhook me from the rest of the cars and push me to the side.

Yesterday a friend saw me sitting next to the tracks, still waiting for the train to backup to at least acknowledge the years of faithful service that I had made. He told me my waiting was in vain. The train had freed itself from our wreck and had moved down the line. They were driven by destination, fueled by vision, and racing toward the future.

Godspeed to them.

As for me, I’m done sitting next to the tracks wondering, “what if…” and waiting for others to acknowledge my contributions. I’m done looking up the tracks to where the train just disappeared around the bend. I’m not heading that direction anymore. I’m done looking behind, trying to figure out what jostled this journey in the first place.

I’m just looking for a few faithful friends who can do a bit of iron work and help take this twisted metal and form it into something beautiful again.