Honesty? Honestly...

If yesterday was a day for taking responsibility for the role I have played in my brokenness, today is a day I am wallowing in victimization. I hate this flip flopping. But my current reality is that yesterday's tears have dried up leaving a face chiseled in anger underneath.

I look down at my body and find spears protruding at odd angles. They didn't get here by accident; they were thrown, some from behind. Those that had the responsibility to protect me instead have used me. I feel like Uriah must have felt as the rest of the army pulled back, leaving him at the front lines at the command of King David, his Commander in Chief. Uriah was sacrificed so David could cover his own shame. Then David covered up Uriah's murder like it was just the expected collateral damage of battle. Such is the price of doing business with a king; or even as I have been informed, doing business in the church.

I was charged with the crime of having an entitlement attitude, thinking something was owed me because of my appointment in the ministry. Guilty as charged. But when I turn that same argument around I find that this king and his court felt they were entitled to my life, not just my work, simply because they gave me a paycheck. I am mad at them for taking advantage of me. I am mad that I have served under a man who felt he had the right to remind me that I "serve at the pleasure of the King" thinking that would mean him. I am thankful this has been resolved, that my service to him is no longer required, because I am nearly dead from the friendly fire.

Today I want someone to pay. I want someone to suffer for the pain I am in, for the sin that has been done to me.

And then I remember someone has.

And the tears, in a rush, return.

The Significance of the Court

The believers were all meeting down at the temple, outside in the courtyard known as Solomon’s Porch. It was a significant setting, not just because Jesus used to hang out there, but because everyone had access to it. The Gentiles were free to roam in this courtyard, the women had access, even the cripples, diseased, and possessed. Of course none of these could go into the Temple proper.

In this location the believers gathered, the apostles shared their message of hope and the Spirit would come. Signs, wonders and healing were in abundance. It began to build energy and draw crowds. People began coming to the temple court as a destination, not just as a thoroughfare to the temple itself.

This made the religious leaders sick with jealousy. The high priest and his associates didn’t like the attention being paid outside the institutionalized temple. They were sure that these disciples of Jesus were in theological error and disobedient to the Mosaic law. I am sure they had great discussions amongst themselves of how damaging this group was becoming. Their stated motivation was one of holiness, but the one emanating from their heart was fear- fear of losing control, fear of being irrelevant, maybe even the fear of the unknown and the new.

So a power-play was drawn up and the apostles were arrested. They were thrown in jail for the night so they could sweat it out. The religious leaders planned a large hearing for the next day so they could intimidate these men into conformity of their religious system.

But Father had other plans.

He sent an angel on assignment to open the doors and let the captives free. The angel did the job well, conscientious enough to even lock the door on the way out. But his job was not over. He had a message direct from Father to share with the freed men. It wasn’t, “Flee to the hills”, “Go hide in Egypt”, or “Take up swords.” Instead Father told them to go back to where they had been arrested!

“I want you to stand in the temple courts and tell the people the full message of this new life!” Father instructed.

Why the temple courts? Because He no longer dwelt in the temple. He no longer fit within the man-made walls or the religious system; because he now dwelt in His people. And those Spirit-blown believers did just that. They went back to the courtyard and shared the full message of new life: repentance, not condemnation, forgiveness of sins, not guilt and shame, for all the people, not just a privileged few.

It drove the religious leaders insane. Their jealousy morphed to murder, all in the name of proper spirituality. They rounded the rebels back into custody, stood them before the entire gathering of religious law experts and gave them a tongue lashing. When it didn’t produce the desired affect, especially on Peter, who had been known to crumble under similar circumstances, they did away with their tongues and got out the real whips.

They beat them and bloodied them. They ordered the apostles not to speak in the name of Jesus. But it was that very Name that had made all the difference. It changed the pain of lashings to the joy of belonging. It made suffering disgrace a worthwhile humiliation. And they went back to the courtyard. They would not be dissuaded. They never stopped! Day after day after day after day they went back to the temple courtyard, and from there they went house to house because Father wanted it very clear that religion and all its perceived power will never measure up to the fullness of life that is in Christ Jesus.